How To Know What You Want

“How do I know?” A client asks me as they shared their experience of being in a “fog” and wanting to find more clarity.

We all want a little more clarity for our lives. When we don’t know where we’re heading it's normal for us to question if we indeed are moving in the right direction.

But that’s just it…There is no way of knowing the right direction toward the right outcome. Implicit in feeling the need to have this answer is a fear of getting it wrong.

What if you were to see life as an adventure; a game that cannot be won or lost, only played?

There’s this idea, especially in America, that for us to be successful, up and to the right is the only trajectory that will get us to where we think we want to go.

This mindset is the very reason we scrutinize every opportunity. We have to know that it is the right one.

We all know success will most likely look like this:

But we still cling to the idea that just maybe it could look like this (if we get it right of course):

 

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

BILL WATTERSON

 

Sure you want to have goals and a vision for what you desire the future.

But why the need for such finality and certainty?

How’s that working out for you so far?

What would it look like if you were to choose to see life as an adventure? There is no “right” or “wrong”. How you take the journey is what matters most.

Live your life by a different set of rules

You’ve been taught at a very young age to be careful.

I tell it to my kids all the time. I care about them and want to keep them safe.

But you’re not five any more; you’re an adult.

You may have lived your whole life up until this point by a different set of rules other than your own. You so want to get it right, to the point you end up being afraid of failing.

Therefore, you look at what you think you know: what other people expect of you. You become your job description and you better not be anyone different than who you are supposed to be.

You’ve been told to believe this or that but how often to do you check in with yourself to experience what you want to be true for you.

This is where your adventure starts to get exciting. It’s when you discover your values (not everyone else’s) and start to live into them that miracles start to occur.

I'm not saying other people don't have wonderful values, they're just not yours. You might share certain values with others, and that's great! The important thing is that you know and live by your values.

Find clarity by living into your values

Clients I work with find it most refreshing when they reconnect with their values. Through a series of exercises and conversations, they begin to chip away at all the beliefs imposed by others and begin to get in touch with their truth.

With this newfound clarity, they are able to choose their values over what they believe they should do or who they should be. They live their values and share their passion with others.

This is at the heart of being a great parent, employee, and leader. What better example can you be for others than exactly who you are?

Live into your values, engage life, and watch yourself and those around you come alive. When you do, the direction you are heading becomes a lot less important than the fulfillment you get to experience right at this very moment.

It’s fulfillment that we want most

So many people say they are successful but unfulfilled. They often blame this on their jobs or life situation. There are others though who listen to this discontentment, find clarity, take action, and change things.

Todd Rose, in his latest book Dark Horse, shares the recipe of what truly leads to fulfillment and authentic living. He shows us through personal stories of how people leveraged who they were to create authentic work and lives.

He has this to say about the people he calls Dark Horses who live their life fulfilling their values and engaging their true strengths over who others told them they should be to reach success:

“The first step of the journey is always the same: the decision to prioritize fulfillment,” says Rose. “When dark horses make that choice, they do not focus on the potential wealth to be had or how masterful they might one day become. Instead, they recognize that an opportunity exists that fits their individuality—and they seize it. From that point forward, they make their decisions based upon who they are, rather than who others tell them they should be.”

 

The first step of the journey is always the same: the decision to prioritize fulfillment

TODD ROSE

 

What would it look like if you were able to find clarity today through your values?

Would you continue being ok with playing it safe? Or would you make some changes?

Everything you do will seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it.

Ghandi

The most powerful changes oftentimes appear small and insignificant. It’s slowing down to read a book that’s unrelated to job performance, pausing in the evening watching your beautiful daughters play in the back yard, or storytime before bed.

Give yourself permission to start that side hustle. Contribute to making the changes you want to see in your company. Be who you know you already are.

What if YOU are Your Purpose in Life—to live in alignment with your values?

What do you think?