EP43 | 3 Myths About Trust

Do you find it hard to trust people? Do you have problems creating trust in your business or with your customers? What’s something that led you to believe in these myths about trust?  In this episode of the Create Purpose Podcast, Zach dissects the three myths about trust and gives you four marching orders on ways to build trust in your business.

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Argue like, you know, you're right. Listen, like you know you're wrong, and be willing to change your mind. What you're asking is for people to show up a hundred percent open and honest. If it's in your head, say it. But then also choose not to get offended. Stay open. And how do we do that? We argue like we know we're right. We listen. Like we know we're wrong and we're willing to change our mind. I want you to live by that motto. I want you to create a climate within your business where everyone feels safe to do that.

Welcome back or welcome to the Create Purpose Podcast. In today's episode, I wanna talk about trust. Trust is so important.

In your business and on your team, trust is everything. Why one, Here's one reason why. Trust is everything. One. Everything is just easier when there's trust. When there is trust on a team, things get so much easier and so much more fun. Number two, trust is what's gonna allow you to fully express. The leader that you know that you are.

Last week I hosted an all day workshop called the Fully Expressed Leader and Trust came up as a topic. Trust is what allows you to fully express who you are because when there's distrust, you never get to fully express your own creative potential because you're always looking over your shoulder, worried that something isn't getting done the right way, something's falling through the cracks that a mistake might be being made, and you can choose that for that to be your focus.

But you're trading that in and giving up your, your creative potential. You're not allowing yourself to fully express who you are. And so we gotta learn to trust. If we're gonna step into doing the work, we are meant to do the work that truly lights us up. The work that's can only be done by the creative CEO visionary of the business.

So then the third thing, trust allows people to step into their unique greatness. and that goes for you and your team. Cuz until you trust them, they're never gonna learn to trust themselves. And that's everything. And that unique greatness, that is what you love to do, you're great at. It's where the most impact can be made to the business.

It's ultimately the, the rising tide that lifts all boats. The more you can create an environment of trust for people to lean in and experiment with what their unique greatness is, everyone wins as a result. So we've gotta get really clear on how to break through these three myths around trust. Three myths that I, I've heard.

Numerous times from people that I interact with, and I wanted to put this episode out to start looking at trust in a different light. So myth number one, most people think that trust has to be earned. The truth is trust first has to be expressed. Trust isn't earned. Trust has to be expressed. You have to give trust to get trust.

To teach trust, you have to be trust. This is about being, and when I say expressing trust, you have to allow trust to occur because we need to look at this story about trust is earned. I have a question for you. How will you know when trust has been earned? How will you know that the other individual is worthy of your trust?

If you know the answer to that question. Then stay the course and make sure you're communicating that to your team member. Hey, right now I have, I'm not willing to let go of this until more trust is established, but let me talk to you about what trust, how trust will be established. You'll be able to demonstrate X, Y, and Z, and when you can, I'm letting go of this thing and it's yours.

That then do that. But what I find is more often than not, we don't know the answer to that question. This idea of trust being earned is like, well, it's an illusion. It's like, I don't know when we'll be there. I just don't, It's a feeling and I don't feel it, and so therefore I can't let go. Well, I'm suggesting I don't think you'll ever, ever feel it if you stay in that story.

Trust being earned. I'm suggesting that you have to be trust and express, trust and give trust for you to experience it. And so, Let's stop putting trust off by telling ourselves a story and must first be earned. And let's start looking at where that story comes from in the first place. You learn that story at some point in your life, you were taught that story.

I'm willing to bet there's a time in your life where maybe you did trust somebody and that trust. Left you in, ended up experiencing a very unpleasant, uncomfortable experience. You might have been hurt or had to go through, or trauma or something that has caused trust to be very difficult. You're not alone.

It's so normal, but we need to look at it because as long as you continue to live under that story of I can't trust others unless they've earned it, then you're doing that to yourself and will you ever. Find a way to trust others under that story. And so we need to look at that story. What, what really solidified that belief that I can't trust others?

Where did you learn that? And this is where therapy or coaching comes in to really bring that shadow out into the light. Because when you become aware of it, you can start to change your relationship with it. And it no longer has to be the controlling element and it's gonna free you up to express trust, earn trust, get trust, and be more trusting in others.

So that's myth number one. That trust has to be earned. Most people think that it has to be earned, but the truth is, It needs to start to become expressed. You need to start being trust. The second myth is I have to start trusting my team. I will hear people tell me I need to start. I gotta learn to trust my team.

I gotta learn to let go and delegate and trust my team more. It's, that's not true. The truth is you first need to learn to trust yourself because when you learn to trust yourself, Trusting others is just gonna be a natural extension of who you're being. You need to learn how to trust yourself. Where are you not trusting yourself right now?

Where are you experiencing the most self doubt? Because that's a good indication of where you have an opportunity to trust yourself more, whatever that area is. And I just want you to ask yourself like what would be different? For you and how you showed up with your team and in your business if you were to trust yourself in that one particular area with a hundred percent certainty.

No more apologizing, no more second guessing. No more wondering if it's gonna live up to other people's expectations. No, there's just this inner knowing, inner trust that this. This is what I'm feeling. This is what I want to create. This is my desire, and I can trust it and be unapologetic about it, and I can learn to trust myself.

When you learn to trust yourself, what would be different? How might that make trusting others so much easier? So I want you to explore that question of am I fully trusting myself? And listen for what comes up. You know, this is, this is the first step of trusting yourself is to listen to yourself. What do you need that you're not getting?

And. What are the areas where you're holding yourself back, getting in your own way that's diminishing your trust in yourself? Where are you not staying in integrity with who you desire to be and who you really are? Where, where are you not staying in alignment with what your, what you say your commitments are?

We've gotta learn to trust ourselves, and as a natural byproduct, we'll start to learn to trust others. So that's the second myth. The third myth is they're not ready. For me to let go of that. They're not ready. I can't let go of that. I hear this all the time. This is a myth. Here's the thing, you and I, we weren't ready.

We weren't ready when we started. This started our business. We weren't ready when we took the plunge and we left our full-time career to go be an entrepreneur. We weren't ready to hire our first 10 team members. For the first, we weren't ready for any of that, but somewhere along the line, we expect everybody else to be ready for what we were asking them for.

Well, we weren't, and here's the thing, I don't, Sometimes we put ourselves on a pedestal, and I'm guilty of this. I'm raising my hand, but. What if we weren't, didn't see ourselves as so special, and just kind of actually seeing that there was a process that shaped who we've become. And we've gotta allow other people to go through that same process.

We gotta allow other people to stub their toes, make mistakes for things, to fall through the cracks. Because if we're unwilling for those things to occur, nobody's ever gonna learn. Nobody's ever gonna grow. Nobody's gonna have that opportunity to be ready because you and I, we weren't ready. We weren.

You're not ready for, For what's next for you. For you to step into a bigger role. For you to really be that creative CEO visionary, you're not ready. That doesn't mean you Canditt do it. You're gonna figure it out, but you're not ready cuz you've never really done that fully before. Just like your team's not ready to do what you're about to ask them to do.

Just don't get so hung up on the readiness of things because we're never ready and the only way we become ready is through, like we're forged in the fire. You know? We've gotta go through the paces and learn and bump our head. I, it's, I think about my own kids, like they don't learn until they touch the hot stove.

Right? They don't learn until they. Forget the check before they cross the street and a car zooms by and it scares 'em half to death right now. They learn. We've gotta be willing to let, let people experience difficult and unpleasant emotions and experiences so that they can learn and grow because we have, That's how we've gotten ready.

So enough on that one. I feel like I'm ranting a little bit on that one, but I. I want you to let people have that opportunity. You're giving them a gift by letting go and giving something to them before they're ready. That's the only way they'll be ready. So those are the three myths At the root of this, at the root of distrust, at the root of distrust is fear.

There's a fear. And when we're in fear, We feel this desire for control. We clinging to this illusion of control. We grip the wheel really tight, trying to control things, control people, even control outcomes. That's an illusion. The truth is you can't control those things, but yet we try. You and I, we try.

To learn to trust. We need to learn to come from a different place. We need to no longer come from a place of fear. The opposite fear is love. We need to come from a place of love, of faith, of optimism, of believing greater things are possible, and letting them unfold. Without feeling the need to control them.

And when we come from a place of love versus fear, we get to trade in control. That illusion of control for creation, trading in control for creation. And when you do that, you actually gain the ultimate control. because when we're in a creative state, we get to be responsible. We get to be powerful, We get to be the captain of of the ship.

And the only way we do that is through creation, because here's what happens. We look out into our business, we look at the situation, and we can label it as good or bad, but eventually we start to realize like, this isn't working for us. This isn't what I want. And we have a pretty good understanding what the situation.

Now we just need to ask ourselves a question. Like, Okay, well this is the situation. What do I wanna create? What do I wanna create from this? My business isn't profitable. We just lost a lot of money in our business last quarter. I'm barely able to make payroll. I've been unable to pay myself. I can't let go.

I can't trust my team. We don't have the right culture of trust yet. You know, fine. But now at what point are you gonna shift to great? Ain't bad, just is. What do I want to create from this? Because when you can get your pla yourself to the position of just is, you get to work with a blank canvas again, and you get to put the Brush to canvas and start creating a new reality.

You get to create it. That's, that's your job. That's your job. That's your I'S job, is the creative CEO visionary of our lives and our businesses. That's what it means to be the captain of the ship. That's how you put yourself into captaincy of your business. You have to get yourself out of fear, into love.

Let go of this illusion of control and move into creation. That's how you're gonna start to break through these myths and get trust to start to become a natural byproduct of, of your culture and of your team, and of your business. So before we go, I want to give you, Four practical things that you can do.

Call to actions if you marching orders so that you can leave this episode with some tangible things that you can go apply in your business and on your team to create conditions where trust can exist more and more and more. So number one, I'm gonna ask you to go first. You must go first. You must be the first one in, in your team, in your business to be the most open, the most honest, the most vulnerable.

and we oftentimes we are not that. It's so scary to be vulnerable cuz we believe that as the leader we have to be strong and competent, have it all together, have the answers, know where we're going and how we're gonna get there. And when we don't, we, we get very concerned. The truth is we're all figuring this out as we go.

I was in a room with executives of an organization that they've exceeded a billion dollars. And the CEO looked at the team and he said, You know, most people think we have all the answers, but the truth is we don't know what the expletive we're doing, . We don't know what the heck we're doing. We're figuring this out as we go.

And that's more of the truth. So, You're not kidding anybody. When you're trying to be that strong, confident leader that has it all together, where you're filtering your words and you're trying to say the right thing and be the leader that you, you believe you're supposed to be, that just gets in the way of your own authenticity of fully expressing who you are.

And people don't really wanna follow that. They wanna follow a human being. Someone that they can trust, and the only way you can trust somebody is if they're being vulnerable with you. I mean, have, Do you find it hard to trust somebody on your team if you don't feel like they're being open and honest with you?

Yeah. Same goes for your team. If you're not being open and honest with them, they know they do. There's, you can't, you can't fake this. So you have to go first open, honest, vulnerable. Now, are there some things you need to be strategic about sharing with your team? Sure. I'm not saying like just like, just pour your heart and soul about everything, but we need to be more vulnerable and more open and honest than we, than what feels comfortable.

We do. We need to share. Because here's the thing, if you're not vulnerable, you're not saying what needs to be said. You're not sharing your truth. They're not hearing what needs to be heard. And where that leaves you is you're frustrated. Like they don't get it. They don't understand. Well, you're right, they don't.

But what's, what's at the root of that? And the root at the root of that is you're not allowing them to see, You're not allowing them in to see what you see and, and to share your observations. You're unwilling to share the burden with your team. You're carrying it all around on your back. And if you continue to do that, that's just gonna lead to more and more resentment, and you're gonna start questioning if this is even what you wanna be doing, is it even worth it?

Well, it probably isn't. The way that you're carrying everything, it's probably not gonna work for you long term. I'm encouraging to learn to be more vulnerable, to go first, because that vulnerability is courage, right? You can't be courageous without also being vulner. Because courageous is like stepping out into the land of uncertainty, not knowing what'll happen next.

You're exposed, you're feeling fear, but you're doing it anyway. Right? That's courage. And people, the, the, the saying and brave heart, people don't follow titles. They follow courage. They're not just gonna follow you cuz you're the owner or you're the leader. They're gonna follow you because you're the most courageous person in the room.

You, they're gonna follow you because you're the one with the biggest vision. And when you lead from that place with vulnerability, but then commitment towards greater possibility, you're the leader and they will follow you and they will trust you and you will trust them. So that's number one. You have to go first.

Number two, I want you to, Being very self reflective around where is your, I'm not good enough story. We all have a, I'm not good enough story. Our ego. Has been forged through our childhood and and life lessons, and our ego's job is to keep us safe, but it also keeps us small and it comes in the form of I'm not good enough.

I'm not a good enough leader. I'm not doing enough. I don't know enough, I'm not experienced enough. Are you familiar with that? That inner dialogue? Call it your inner jerk. Steven Presfield calls it resistance with a capital R. It's that voice in your head that's just constantly nitpicking at you, telling you should be more, this should be doing that, not that should be doing better.

Always shoulding on yourself. Not not enough. That is the equivalent. Equivalent of you not trusting yourself. So where is that? I'm not good enough story and I want you to not. I want you to get more curious with it and start to change your relationship with it again, I said this earlier. This is where a coach can really help you bring.

Into the light so that you can see it more clearly, see how it's working for you and how it's not working for you. It's serving you in some way. It's keeping you safe. You learned that I'm not good enough story, probably at a young age because you learned, as long as I believed this story, it, I kept my head down.

I played, I stayed small enough that I could avoid any unpleasant experiences. It kept me safe. It kept you safe, but you're an adult. And as long as you continue to live under that story, it's gonna diminish who you are. It's gonna diminish your ability to fully express your vision and to create an environment of trust.

So you have to bring that out into the light and really start looking at it and, and facing it and seeing, seeing it for what it is. Because when you do that, it no longer. He holds as much sway, sway over you. So that's number two. Number three, I want you to ask your team, and I want you to live by this model as motto as well, when you start a team meeting, a staff meeting, when you're bringing your team together, maybe it's an all hands meeting, I want you to start creating this cultural motto.

It's, it's this argue like, you know, you're right. Listen, like you know you're wrong and be willing to change your mind. What you're asking is for people to show up a hundred percent open and honest. If it's in your head, say it. But then also choose not to get offended. Stay open. And how do we do that? We argue like we know we're right.

We listen. Like we know we're wrong and we're willing to change our mind. I want you to live by that model. I want you to. A climate within your business where everyone feels safe to do that. And again, you go first, but I would encourage you to start your meetings like that. It would sound something like this.

Hey, team, before we dive into our conversation today, there's one rule that I want us to play by, and it's this. I, I expect everyone in including me to be open and honest and vulnerable with each other. And how we're gonna do that is we're gonna argue like we know we're right, but then we're gonna listen.

Like we know we're wrong and we're gonna be willing to change our mind. Can we play, can we play like that for the next hour? That's why I want you to start your meetings and then I want you to live into it and you can do. Only if you leave your ego at the door, and if everyone else leaves their ego at the door.

And there's one way that makes this so much easier. When you have enough big, when you have a big enough vision, your ego has no choice but to get out of the way. You must have a big vision for your team because. All the conflict and the confrontation that happens and means when we're arguing and listening and changing our mind, we're debating and discussion.

If we all know that it's for the greater good of, of the vision, we can play like that. But for that to exist, we have to have a big vision and that comes from the leader. So in the previous episode I just did, we talked a little, a little bit about. Getting clearer on your vision so that you can share it.

Because the one with the biggest vision is the leader. And I think that's you. And when you have a big vision, you can play full out. You can argue like, you know you're right. Listen, like you know you're wrong. Be willing to change your mind. Why? Because this isn't about anyone individual. This isn't about my ego or your ego.

This is about this big vision that we're all here creating together. So that's number three. And then the last one is, I want you to change a belief that I'm willing to bet. Has you stuck in the land of I can't trust others, and that is the belief that there are mistakes and failures, that you can make mistakes.

That they can make mistakes and that you can fail. I want you to try on a new belief because what if you were just to believe that this was a hundred percent true? That there is no such thing as mistakes or failures, only an opportunity to learn and grow. If you were to believe that with a hundred percent certainty, what would be different for you and how you showed up?

How much easier might trust be to cultivate in your business if you were to believe with a hundred percent certainty that there is no such thing as a mistake or failure, only an opportunity to learn and grow. You're never out of the game. You're not. The only way you're outta the game is if you choose to quit.

But as long as you have that big vision and you stay committed to it, your whole business could just implode and, And you could go out of business, you could go file, you could go bankrupt, But yet, I'm willing to bet there's an opportunity to learn and grow and step back into your vision even stronger.

That's your choice. So I want you to start to believe that there is no such thing as mistakes or failures, because now we get to play full out and we just fully express who we are. We no longer apologize. We no longer place small. We no longer make our goal to be safe. It becomes more about the impact that we want to have, the vision we want to create.

And honestly seeing everything is an opportunity to learn and grow cuz it is. That is life. So those are your, your for call to actions to create and cultivate more trust within yourself and your team. I hope you found this episode helpful because I think that the more trust that you have, I don't think I know the easier things become for you, your team and, and your business and ultimately the, the fulfillment of, of your vision.

So, Go play with these ideas. Look closer at these myths. How might you be enrolling yourself in in one of these myths and living underneath it when you can choose to see it differently and you can apply these four action steps to start to create more trust in your business. So thanks for listening to this episode, and we will see you in next week's episode.

Thanks for listening, and I would love to hear from you. If you have any comments, find me on Instagram at Zach dot Arend and drop me a note. What'd you love about this episode? What's on your mind? What would you like to hear more on? What would, what would serve you? Let me know because that's, that's what I'm here to do.

I want to give you helpful information to help you fulfill on your impossible vision so that you can see that impossible vision become inevitable. Cause when we change how we see the world and what we're doing, Things really can go from impossible to inevitable. And it, and it starts with the story this, that we tell ourselves, the myths that we allow ourselves to live under, or the ones that we break through and see greater possibilities.

So thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode. real quick, I have a question for you. What would it look and feel like for you to lead your team and build your business with more clarity, confidence, and conviction. That's why I want to invite you to the fully expressed leader. It's a full day workshop, virtual workshop workshops, Learn how to lead.

From the inside out. This is for creatives, artists, executives, and right brain business owners who are ready to be the fully expressed leader they were meant to be. My promise to you is that by the end of this full day together, you're going to be able to identify the critical element in your business that you've been ignoring.

You're gonna know the secret to unleash the full potential of your. And start to see responsibility as a gift and not a burden you're gonna make leading from the inside out your new automatic default. What I love most about this day is I get to see the change in those that do the work. They come in exhausted and they leave energized.

Later on when they check back in with me, they tell me that it's like someone turned the lights on. What once felt impossible? Now feels inevitable. To learn more, go to www.createpurpose.net/workshop. This day is not about doing more. It's a way of being a way for you to shift your approach to building your business on your terms.

So go check it out, www.createpurpose.net/. Hopefully you really enjoyed this podcast episode, and my hope is you found it really inspirational and also most importantly, I hope you took away some practical things that you can start to do and apply in your own life. So finally, I have one small favor to ask of you before you go wherever you get your podcast, whether that's Apple Music or Spotify.

If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a review. Love to hear your thoughts. Come find us on social media, share it on social media. It just really helps us get the word out, helps us grow our audience, so please do that. Thanks to my team, Ashley Bolden, who handles all the admin and Chris Skipper who handles all the music and editing of this podcast for more information on the.

Purpose podcast, you can go to www.createpurpose.net and you can also follow me on Instagram at Zach dot errand. Please drop me a comment, reach out, drop me a dm. I'd love to hear from you and love to hear what you're taking away from these conversations. What would you like to hear more of? Do you have any guests that you would love to see come on the show?

And I'm always looking for great people to talk to, people with great stories that can inspire you. And so if you know of anybody, send 'em my way. Love to hear from. I'm your host, Zach Arend, and I'll see you in the next episode of the Create Purpose Podcast Buy for now.