EP37 | Turning Into Yourself w/ Reilly Dodd

Reilly Dodd is a therapist specializing in helping teens, young adults and women overcome major stressors and life challenges. Together they work through the stuck places and help the brain process these memories which allows the natural healing powers of the brain to move toward adaptive resolution and positive change.

Learn more about Reilly:  

• Reilly's Website
• Reilly's Instagram
• Reilly’s Therapy Practice in KC

Episode resources:

• Create Purpose Website 

• Join Zach’s Mastermind

• Book: 90 Seconds to a Life You Love by Dr. Joan Rosenberg
• Book: The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield
• Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle
• Book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
• Book: Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

If you enjoyed this episode then please either:

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• Connect with me on Instagram and Facebook!

Reilly Dodd: Sharing like real parts of you feels so good once you realize that it's safe to do that. And that's what builds, I think real connection, but we have this fear that we're not worthy enough, so we don't.

Zach Arend: Well, welcome to the podcast. Reilly. I'm excited for today's conversation. Let's let's start here. Could you just share a little bit of your, your personal story, your journey to doing what you're doing.

Reilly Dodd: Yeah, thanks Zach for having me. So I've been a therapist for, uh, since 2018, but I think before that, my. Experiences kind of led me to wanting to kind of get into private practice. I growing up struggled a lot with school. I think I had a lot of anxiety and ADHD, which just led to self doubt and I don't. I think I realized that I, I don't know if I had opportunities to like, talk about my feelings and like process those things very well.

I think my parents did the best they could, but I just went on this life that I was like, I think hiding parts of me and have a lot of anxiety. And I just thought that's the way mm-hmm life is supposed to be. That's my life. And I think through therapy starting in high school, and I'm grateful that I did, like, I think, I think my mom had a friend that was.

Told her to put me in therapy. And so she did it which that was 25 years ago. And I think there was still a lot more of a, you know, stigma around therapy. So that's where I think I started my therapy journey and I was like, oh, what? Like, I just learned a lot about like, so much just not feeling good enough and didn't realize that it didn't have to be my, those were just my thoughts and that.

Could work through through that. So really I think healing parts of that gave me some confidence. I went in, I still went into education because I think I thought that's all I could do looking back. Yeah. I wish I would've had different ways to explore that, but it was great. I was a teacher for four years and then I was a school counselor and got back into therapy again.

Cause I think therapy and coaching is a, like it's for everyone. I think everyone would benefit from it. And I wanna. Continue to say that for the rest of my life and worked through more limiting beliefs and realizing that I, that all, all these other people that were doing these great things with their life, I could do that as well, but it's hard for me to admit that cause I didn't think I was worthy of it.

Yeah. And so I think we all struggle with that. So then 2018 or so is when I got my license to do therapy and did it part-time for a while. And then around 2020 is when I started, I think I opened up my private. Actually, maybe it was 20, 21, January, 2021. And I loved working with so many people along the same, like what I, what I struggled with and my pain points.

And then I realized that, you know, you can only have so many, so many clients a week, and I felt like this calling to connect more with, with people. So then I started posting on Instagram and sharing more about mental health. So I've created a little bit more of some opportunity to do some coaching with people, more world to help.

Zach Arend: Very cool. Do you remember that, like that first moment in therapy back in high school where I don't know where you became aware, like, oh my goodness. I, I don't even know how to put words to it, but that moment of like, no, I do complete awareness, like, wow. Share. I'm share more around that.

Reilly Dodd: Actually I know exactly. And it's gonna make me emotional because it was so, yeah, I think my therapist said that I was. Walking around with a mask on and that I wasn't like showing. And I was like, oh my gosh, I had no idea . And so I had this, you know, armor or mask and I wasn't, and it was so green to realize like that I didn't ha like realizing why I, I was doing that.

And then that I didn't have to do that. That wasn't my, and it was just, you know, it was a simple conversation, but I was like, you're you aren't showing anyone the real you and I. And I think a lot of people go through life like that. Yeah. Yeah. What I, I sta I see the emotion in your eyes. I love it. Yeah.

Um, because there's, I mean, there was, there was so much pain at that time. Yeah.

Zach Arend: And I, I believe that those tiers are kind of a release of that, right.

Reilly Dodd: And it's like, oh my gosh. Like, I am so glad that I, I mean, it's still like a, I think therapy and like working on yourself is such a work in progress. And so it's like, I have come so far. And so I think it's feeling the sense of like, being really proud of myself, but realizing that pain, I think connects me with other people too, to realize, like, I know what that feels like.

Zach Arend: Could we stay here for a little bit and talk about it, do it. Okay. I love that. I just, I wanted to know if, yeah, if you're game for that, can you say more about the, the pain? Like what, what was it that, that if you back in high, School? What were you telling yourself or what were you believing about yourself that wasn't allow you, allowing you to share who you were.

Reilly Dodd: Yeah, that's such a great question because I, I think from an outsider looking in, I looked like a very happy 16 year old that was involved in high school. That was doing all the things that I. I would've kept going. I don't think I would've had a major traumatic event, but I would've missed out on so much never digging into those, like those pains, those pain points.

And when I really think about it now, I, I think early memories like our early experiences from like zero to seven, really have a big impact on this. And I have just a lot of experiences where I didn't feel smart enough and I think school was hard for me. And. I didn't, I didn't understand that maybe my brain worked a little bit different.

And so at a very early age, I tried to hide like I, instead of like, realizing that, understanding more about the brain now, which is pretty cool, but. I just hid. And so I didn't even try. So I just tried to make everyone think I was smart and, but I didn't ever really work at it. So I, I never wanted to talk about grades or school and then I never put myself out there in different opportunities.

Cause I didn't think I was smart enough. And so I think over time, that just builds. And then you, you take that on as your truth.

Zach Arend: Yeah. How did you. Showing up differently when you started to realize, oh, this is a mask, this isn't who I.

Reilly Dodd: Well, I think it was, you know, like I wanna like go back to like my high school friends and like, be like, I'm so sorry. Like ah, I was probably doing the best I could, but I think you, you know, little by little, you start to learn that like being vulnerable in is like this ability to be like have strength and we think it's weakness, but I think so.

Working on relation, probably my relationship with my parents, my mom, just starting to be more open and honest and sharing like real parts of you feels so good once you realize that it's safe to do that. And that's what builds, I think real connection, but we have this fear that we're not worthy enough, so we don't.

Zach Arend: That's that's so powerful. And I, this idea of not being worthy enough, not being good enough, it is the human experience. It's interesting because I was in a room just last well, two weeks ago. And I, I just shared this. I kind of said, who here is familiar with that voice in your head. Who's constantly asking the question.

Am I good enough? Am I worthy to be at this table? Is it no matter of time before this other shoe drops, you know, that constant feeling that emptiness that we kind of feel inside of us, the entire room raised their hands. And I did that intentionally. I, I wasn't like, oh my God, I can't believe it. I knew that would happen.

And I love watching people look around the room and they're like, oh, I'm not alone. Like, because we, you think you're alone. You think that you're, there's something maybe wrong with you. And so there's just some acceptance to just normalize it, like, oh yeah.

Reilly Dodd: It feels so lonely. And when you don't talk about it, then, like, I think the shame, then we become more secret and silent and the shame builds. But then when you're like, oh no, we all have these like beliefs inside of our head and that negative self talk like, oh, that's normal. I'm normal. Like, okay, I can talk about it a little bit more.

Zach Arend: Yeah. So I, I get to work with a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners and. Yeah. I don't know. The, the last couple weeks, the word identity's been coming up a lot, like where I place my identity and the identity I find in, you know, when my business is good, I'm good. When my businesses are good, I'm not good.

You know? And, and just kind of that codependency that that is created. I don't know if it gets talked about very often in the business world, it's more around addictions and living with somebody, but I think you, a person could be very codependent to their business and that identity, and always trying to fill that void.

Trying to prove yourself. And I'm not sure what the question is. I know that that's real. And I, I wanted to ask you, like, what's your experience about this idea of identity? Like how do we find some resolution with, with the question of who am

Reilly Dodd: Yeah. No, even though you didn't ask a question, like I wanted to like,

Zach Arend: Yeah, I could tell. Yeah.

Reilly Dodd: yeah, that is so what, what we struggle with, I think we don't know who we are. And we don't because of our early experiences, we don't feel like we're worthy. So we're constantly getting external validation and that we're searching for that.

And it's this cycle. And that was my struggle. Like I just kept trying to get external validation from like my parents from high school achievements from, you know, as long as I was like, like, but it was like, Cycle that never ended. And I was so in my head. So I think I had talked to a lot of people that a lot of my clients that have got, you know, have put poured so much into work or so much into, you know, like their identity, because that's where they've gotten their validation and, and realizing that that only goes so far.

And when you turn into yourself and realize that. You can give yourself the validation that you are worthy just as you are. We don't need the external validation, then it, you, I think we start to feel a little bit more at peace and really learn who we are.

Zach Arend: Yeah, you, you chose those words very intentionally I think, turn into ourselves. So go ahead and slow that down. And I, I already can tell that there, that means way more than what most people would hear. I think.

Reilly Dodd: It's hard to do that. Yeah. Cause you, when you, when you turn in inward,

Zach Arend: Yeah.

Reilly Dodd: To learn to love yourself. You also have to feel the pain too, you know, and be honest with yourself. And I think we can give ourselves the love. We can give ourselves like the nurture, what we maybe needed as a kid and didn't get, or what we're still longing for as an adult.

But we don't think we're worthy of it, or it was never modeled to us. Our, our parents, like my mom was a great mom and I, I hope she listens to this. She did the very best she could. But she, she was so busy trying to please everybody else. I don't think she ever knew how to love herself. And so I continued that on and I, I, I think through therapy, I realized that I, when we've realized that we, we are enough, we can turn inward and start.

I think accepting ourselves for who we are. And I don't know. It's really powerful. I don't think there's like some magic, you know, code. I wish there was. Cuz then that would make this, this work a lot easier. But I think the awareness and acceptance is the starting point for sure.

Zach Arend: Yeah. I don't know what you find with, with people you work with and it, is it a practice like awareness it, the way I've started to understand it is just. Physical fitness. There's mental health fitness. Like it's, it's a practice. It's not something like, there's no destination. It's a constant process. And talk to me about that.

Like what, but what is the work? Because. This whole thing that drives us to do physical fitness and all the, you know, the physical health, you know, eating well and working out, it's such a discipline and a willpower. And you're like, oh, I worked out today. I did leg day, you know, and right. And it's like, but when it comes to turning inward and doing inner work, that like that way of being might be counterproductive, like how do we work with ourselves?

Reilly Dodd: So I think it, you have to make a commitment to just keep showing up for yourself every day and realize. There, I don't know if there's an end game, but that you make a promise to yourself to, you know, learn to be kinder. And I think there is a little bit of parallel with working out because I don't necessarily think that we have this like motivation and, and willpower every day, but we have, you know, we've made this commitment or we've made a promise to ourselves that we know we're gonna feel better.

So I think like realizing that you're worthy enough to lean into like that and it self love gets thrown around a lot. Now it's like this hashtag and this buzzword, and it's not this like glam, like sometimes it's like, what would my life look like if I took time for myself, what would it look like to forgive myself to, you know, I think I almost do this act every day where I allow some self forgiveness and then I make a promise to myself and it's really hard to forgive our.

But sometimes I will just forgive myself for, you know, feeling really stuck in not taking action. And then I make a promise. I'm gonna continue to be like, show myself compassion and kindness. And just that act, whether it's a journal or you it's a practice, you say allowing yourself, forgiveness is really powerful.

Zach Arend: It is. I don't wanna zoom past it. So are you familiar with acceptance and commitment training? Who who's the guy that Steven Hayes

Reilly Dodd: I'm familiar with it. I haven't done a lot of it, but yes, it's it's along those same lines.

Zach Arend: and I'm not, I'm not trained in it. I'm not a therapist. I'm a hobbyist. I love like, I. Read his book. I can't remember what it's called, but it's all around a C T and mm-hmm it, it like changed the game for me when I started cuz at the moment, at the time I was reading that book, I remember I was an executive felt constant anxiety.

I'd wake up in the middle of the night, just like I gotta get to work. I gotta, I gotta figure out how to hit this goal or, you know, right. It just never went away. It would, it would disrupt an entire Saturday with my family. I'd be up in my. Responding to an email. Like I just couldn't be with those uncomfortable emotions.

And, and when I was reading this book, I don't wish to remember what it was called. This idea of acceptance, this idea of let yourself feel what you're feeling without judgment, because that's what I would do. It's like, oh, anxiety. Something's wrong. I better go fix it. I gotta fix me and I gotta go do more.

It's just like, whoa. I've just noticed myself feeling some anxiety right now and, and just feel it. Yeah. So share more because you're the expert on this. I'm not share more about our relationship with emotions and how that paired with self-forgiveness and acceptance.

Reilly Dodd: I'm laughing because I've had a couple clients that are. I didn't realize it was so easy is just accepting my anxiety because it's uncomfortable and we wanna push it away. And we have, you know, as a society, we are taught not to feel our feelings or it's a sign of weakness. And so that uncomfortable feeling I'm gonna like, push it away.

I'm gonna numb it. I'm gonna deflect. I'm gonna, you know, not sit with it. And so I, I often say, you know, like some of the first things is just sitting with your feelings. And I think sometimes my clients will. I mean, I just have to sit in it. I don't like, but it's very hard. And when they actually do it's uncomfortable.

Yeah. And so when you allow it and you, you notice it, it does not hold power over you as much as it, and it just is there. And then from there, I think when you can accept it, there's just more opportunity to not feel stuck. And that's when there's, when you accept it. I think then there's more room for, you know, What would my life look like if I allowed myself to, you know, feel like I was important.

If I put myself first, what would, how would that change? My, my family. How could I be a better mom? How could I be a better parent? If I just started thinking about what self love would look like.

Zach Arend: Yeah. So yeah, the sitting with the emotions, right. Well, but what do I, what do I do? What do I do with them? it's like, you let, 'em be there. You let you let yourself experience

Reilly Dodd: It's so funny in there. I'm like, yeah, you just came to therapy and that's what your homework is. I know. It's it's it's it's weird. It's wild.

Zach Arend: yeah. Yeah. It was that realization for me of whoa. I am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. Like those, those are just experiences that I'm having in the moment, but who I am is much greater than all of that. And I am responsibility. I am choice. I, I can be the mountain in the storm and then let stuff be there and it doesn't have to, it affects me like I'm not like stoic.

I don't know about that. I can just be with it and something else that was helpful for me. Joan, Dr. Joan Rosenberg, who I got the chance to meet just a couple weeks ago, she wrote a book called 90 seconds to a life you love. And the whole premise of the book is she talks about writing the wave of emotions.

Like, yes, there's a, there's some research done that an emotion lasts maybe 90 seconds. So can you be courageous enough just to be with that for 90 seconds and watch. Arise and watch it dissolve. And that's a really cool practice. That's such a simple practice, but when you do that, all of a sudden you're like, whoa, this isn't who I am.

I get to ch I get to just be.

Reilly Dodd: I think you said something really powerful though. And I did hear, I haven't read that book, but I just heard on another podcast using that exact example. So it must be. All the rage in order to allow it to like, take those feelings like a wave, you have to make the connection that you're you, aren't your thoughts.

And like that is, I think getting to that point, so many people have have that, those negative beliefs and they, that is their truth. And so they Canditt, you have to separate it first, or you have to realize that's that's the starting point and, and ma doing that first and realizing that that that is not, those are just thoughts.

Zach Arend: And they're just thoughts. They're just feelings. It's just, it's called being a human being, right? Like let yourself be there. And the other thing I notice is how we choose to do battle with these emotions and these thoughts. Like, I, I was with somebody just the other day and it's like, how do I stop be in my own worst enemy?

How do I stop this anxiety? And how do I, like, how do I stop? Be in my own worst critic, you know, and, and there's this stuff inside of us that we resist and what we resist persists. And so that's an interesting again, back to letting allowing acceptance, what, what's your experience been there? Like how do we, how do we train ourselves to not fight these things that we're avoiding and like, what are some practices.

Reilly Dodd: That's such a good question. I think that it's a constant, lifelong journey, but I, I, I feel like some of the things that help right away is is, is meditating or getting you out of that. Flight or freeze. So I'm gonna give you some other examples too, but I think the re we can't get out of it because we are our brain and our body goes back to what, what we know.

And I, but I essentially, it's more of like that survival mode. And so I getting out of that situation and meditating, feeling more grounded, grounded journaling, I think affirmations can be really positive, like learning. Like what do you want to believe about yourself? Mm-hmm and, and saying those things, something to get out of the.

Like stuck part of your brain.

Zach Arend: Yeah. Do you find that people have a, a difficult relationship with meditation?

Reilly Dodd: Yes. Yeah. And think I'm so glad you brought it up and it's so sad. We think everybody thinks they're doing it wrong. Mm-hmm . And if you think about, and, and I understand I didn't start meditating until probably four or five years ago, but it's a meditation practice. So I think we're practicing, but allowing how, how often do we just allow to our bodies and our minds and just to be still, and we have an inner knowing we have that inner knowing in us, but we don't ever just sit with our thoughts.

But there's no wrong way to do it, but people don't even try. Cause they think they're doing it wrong or it's too uncom.

Zach Arend: Yeah. And, and now we're back to unwilling to face difficult emotions. Aren't we? Right. Like mm-hmm to that's the key is to be able to be with emotions. And I think all, most addictions, most busy, like just this busy hustle culture that we have and the burnout at the source of that is we're unwilling to sit with the discomfort of what what's real for us. Especially over the last what's all been occurring over the last two years. Like it's just, there's a lot of emotions. And, and so I guess if you're listening, it's a call to be courageous and be with that. Like that's the most courageous act you could possibly, it's not to armor up and. Go do more hard things.

It's like, just sit, just sit it's it's been, it's been difficult, you know that interesting. Like when you sit and that feeling of like, oh my God, I can't, oh, I can't do this. And there's just this, like, I, I, I gotta go be doing something like, how is that playing out in your life? Like that is like, what, how much of life are you unable to feel because of this racing.

And anyway, I it's been a real, it. I love this conversation because it's real for me too. Like I you're bringing me back to or who I was five years ago, just running on that hamster wheel, trying to prove myself and fill that void of not being enough.

Reilly Dodd: And I think there in the last several years, there's this new, I, I hope it's, it's actually going away again, but like this hustle culture and like you're, if you're always doing then you're enough and that's ridiculous.

Zach Arend: Yeah.

Reilly Dodd: I think it's hard. I love what you said. If you're listening, like that's, that's, what's great.

That's, what's courageous and it it's, it's a switch and it should change. And when, when people model vulnerability and you know, their ability to like sit with their emotions, like it gives me so much, it inspires me. So I encourage people to find people that resonate with them. Do have this ability to share parts of them and be authentic.

And then it makes me wanna do it more.

Zach Arend: Yeah, right. Oh my God. Yeah. People follow courage. And so by you being you, which I wasn't planning on going here, but you've done like on Instagram, like I just noticed how many followers you have and I'm like, dang. And you've just made a practice of like unapologetically showing up being you. And I love it about you.

Like, I've, haven't known you that long, but I'm like right away, I'm like drawn toward it. It's just like, yeah. And people follow courage and that's so cool that you're role modeling it. Right. That's so cool.

Reilly Dodd: So it, I feel like I'm still healing parts of me every day though, because I'm showing up in, in ways that I would've never ever put myself out there five years ago. And so I, I feel like there's yeah. Parts of me. So for, for people listening, I had this desire to start sharing more about mental health. And I started doing a lot of dances because those take off and they're like, you know, talks and I think they kind of.

Took a life of their own. So then I added mental health spin to it, but I, I think there's a part of it. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if I'm just being real or if it's relatable, it's, it's taken on a life of its own and it's been kind of fun.

Zach Arend: Yeah, like you can't be . I, I would AMA, well, let me ask the master. You can't be in a bad. While you're moving your body. I can you like, is there a link to, to that?

Reilly Dodd: Right. But I have to say that, you know, we haven't really talked about the imposter syndrome much today, but. Let's do it through this journey. Like there's some days that I feel this immense self doubt still. And so even, and so I am like, why I don't have anything important to share with, I don't have anything that's going to be inspiring or worthwhile.

Like, what do I have to say? What do I have to offer? And so I, I still, it's a cycle that I still have to work through, but you're right. There is a, there, I think there is something about dancing and even watching people dance that there, it, it. Connects with part of your brain that I think even, even maybe if you're just watching it, I think there's gotta be a connection to like endorphins or something.

So it automatically, it, it makes me feel better. Yeah. And hopefully it connects with other people when I'm dancing and telling them, talking about inner critic and self. Yeah.

Zach Arend: Well that I, I, I don't know, but I would imagine you get both sides. You probably get, you probably get some just jerks of it and you have people that are just like, I just look forward to seeing you show up every day in my feed. Right. Right. And mm-hmm, , I, I think that's. The world is going to judge. It just will.

It will. And so to live your life, because you're gonna get judged either way, right? Yeah, absolutely. So freeing to me and, and I'm speaking to somebody who's doing it. Like, you're just like, yeah, well, unapologetic, I'm gonna be me and this isn't for you. It's for me.

Reilly Dodd: There people's what other people think of you is none of your business. Cause yeah,

Zach Arend: Yeah. Wow.

Reilly Dodd: we don't have time for that

Zach Arend: No, but it's a real feeling and we live.

Reilly Dodd: 100%.

Zach Arend: So we live our whole lives. There's the FOPO fear of other people's opinions. Like we constantly, so when I was in a leadership context, I constantly was trying to tune into what are they thinking of me? What do they want from me? What, what is the right thing for me to do next?

What should I say ought to say that was the inner, if you're in, in my head, that was the inner dialogue going on. No 24 7. And you know what I missed. What I really felt and what I really wanted and what really lit me up in the desires and passions. Right. And, and so I've kind of been playing with this idea of leading from the inside, out this making leadership.

And I, the word leadership kind of feels bankrupt to me. Like, it just doesn't feel like there's so much, I mean, what, what comes to mind when you say, when you hear leadership right. Down the world. But, but I like this idea of authentic expressive person, because that's where all the magic happens. So yeah.

And that's yeah.

Reilly Dodd: I think when you add, I agree with you is, is leader. The, but like too, too broad. But I think when you say like self leadership, like I think there's, there's when you add that self to it, then I feel like you can really lead with like turn inward and, and do exactly what you were saying. I don't know.

Zach Arend: That's cool. I like that self leadership. Another word that I've been really thinking a lot about is responsibility and this idea nobody else is coming. And, you know, that sounds very like bravado. Like, oh, if it's up to me, if it's, to me, it's up to me, kind of like, I don't wanna go that far, but there is this just like, nobody's gonna tap me on the shoulder and say, Zach, you're a good guy.

Or you could do it Zach, like, right. You like. Only I can give myself that gift and no one else is coming and that's being a hundred percent responsible self leadership. That's people follow that all day long. So if you wanna lead, start with yourself. So.

Reilly Dodd: I love that everyone else is coming. And when you. When you give yourself what you need, then I think you can show up in relationships and work places even, even better instead of waiting for, to get validation from someone.

Zach Arend: Yeah. Yeah. So you mentioned imposter syndrome. Is it ever going.

Reilly Dodd: No, I don't, I don't think so. yeah. I just think that at times it's louder than others and it holds power over us. And then other times we're like, oh, you know, I think maybe, maybe it changes and evolves. Cuz I think about where I am now versus where I was five years ago. And you probably. And do the same thing and you're like, whoa, how much has changed and how much I've done that?

I thought at some point I wouldn't be able to, so I think maybe we overcome it, but then as we continue to grow, it's still, it shows up in different ways.

Zach Arend: Yeah. I'm curious what you think about this? Cuz sometimes that can be a little extreme, but so I, I love Stephen Presfield I don't know if you've ever read, he wrote the book, the war of art. I haven't read it. Do I need check it out? I love the book. So yes you should. um, but he's an author and he's a creative and this whole book is about the creator's journey, the war of art.

And every day when we're making art, any type of expression, which to live is an expression. Right. So I love the it's. It's universal. For us to express our art. What shows up inevitably is resistance. We can call it imposter syndrome. The inner critic, that part of us is like, who do you think you are? What are you doing?

Like, come on, you know, it's resistance. And he says something in the book I'm paraphrasing, but kind of like your dream is always on the other side of resistance. Like it's so if that's true, go find some resistance because that's a, that's where I that's the direction in which I'm being called to go in.

For me, I've learned to start to change my relationship with it. Like, oh, wait a minute. I haven't really felt that imposter for a while. So, huh, what am I been doing? You know, how am I playing? How am I playing safe? What am I avoiding? What, what it, what part? What am, yeah, what, what part of me am I not acting on that?

I'm really being called to act on like I've like learned to invite it to the party.

Reilly Dodd: Yes. Yeah. I love it. I need to start doing that too. I, I recognize it and, and call it and name, you know, I'm like, okay, that's just my imposter syndrome. And I do think that like, your power is on the other side of that, you know, like there is 100% a reason why you're feeling that resistance. Like it is like, On that other side, which so many people were like, oh, I that's too hard.

Oh, I can't do that. They don't ever actually go to the other side. Yeah. That's where like you, man, it's this ultimate feeling of just, it's so empowering and freeing and you wanna keep chasing that, but I'm gonna start inviting my imposter syndrome. Like I'm gonna maybe, maybe that's gonna help me too. I like.

Zach Arend: Yeah, I it's helped me. I, and I was, I was going through a training. So when I. I spent like a year going through some coach training. And one of the, we did this process of kind of getting it clear on our, our version of imposter syndrome. What's it always telling us and ed, we gave it a name and we like, some people like created like a visual representation of it kind like.

Like, I think mine is, yeah, here's mine. It's a, it's a little hamster running on a wheel. Yes. And, and it just reminded me, like, if I keep letting my imposter syndrome drive the, the car, that's what that's, who I'm being, you know, that's the life I get to look forward to. And so it just reminded me like, oh, that ain't what I want.

You know? And, but I saw so many people like, like they wanted. Take that visual representation, throw it on the ground, stomp on it, kill it. You know, like I hate this thing about me and that is again what you resist persists. Right. And so how do we love that part of us, that imposter syndrome? Because if you really look closely at it, well, what do you think?

Where does it come from? Why is it there? And what's, what's the role it's trying to.

Reilly Dodd: I think it's trying to keep us safe and it, our brain knows certain, like once it wants to try to find certainty, even if it's like, We're so stuck. Our brain can, it feels safe that way in that way. So it's, it's alerting us that we are doing something that's challenging. And so we are feeling fear. We're feeling all the feelings that are, that are gonna challenge us.

Zach Arend: You know, this, this became there recently. I was working with a client and she, she really struggles with control. Like just she get, she'll get angry, like wants to take control if things aren't perfect. So there's just this clean to control. And we, you know, stay curious with, and eventually she was like, I just, I don't trust.

I don't trust people. It's hard for me to trust people. We dug a little bit and I don't usually do this, but she kind of came back to, I just asked her a question like, well, when, when did you first feel that or feel that voice in your head, like where it wasn't safe to trust and naturally childhood an event child would come up and it's like, and so the realization for her was, oh my God, that's been there.

Because when I was a little girl, it kept me safe. Like by me not messing up, it prevented me from a world of pain and hurt, you know, emotionally, whatever. So that makes sense why it's there. It's actually there to keep me safe and protect me. And it's kind of like looking at it and smiling back at that imposter syndrome or that, that inner critic and be like, you know, thank you.

Thank you for keeping me safe all those years, but then there. There's this release. Like I don't have to that's I'm not a child. I'm, I'm an adult. Like I got this, so you can go ahead and come along, but you can, you can ride in the passenger seat while I drive this thing and we're going, we're going to, to the dream.

And anyway, I just, that was such a, it just happened just the other day. And I'm like, it just came to my mind. That's an example of what you were saying. I think.

Reilly Dodd: Reminding those parts of you that you're not 10 years old anymore. That you're not six. Like I mm-hmm , you know, that you can that reminding them how old you are and that you, they can come along. But right. Yeah. I'm not, I don't need you to protect me in that way anymore.

Zach Arend: Yeah, I want to go here, but if I'm curious, trauma comes up, so this is where I bump up again. This I'm not trained in that, you know, I'm and, but I think it's a real thing and, and. I find that a lot of people don't want to go back there and they, they avoid that and they don't want to, like, they almost like know, they say no to therapy.

I wanna work with a coach. Not a, the, no, I don't wanna do therapy. I don't wanna go back there. I don't wanna feel that again. Why would I wanna do that? What would you like to say to those? Like the, not those people. I don't mean that like, What do you have to cause that's a real experience. Mm-hmm but I think you probably have a perspective.

What, what, what do you have to say on that?

Reilly Dodd: Well, it makes sense that people, like, I think you can almost just block out parts of your life and it, it, to open that back up, it's it, it can be very painful. And also I think the word trauma, like, I'm actually glad you brought it up because I think we all experienced trauma and some of us have big traumatic events and some of us just have small little tees and those would be like, they're big teas are little tees, but those little tees are like how your mom only gave you praise through validation or a fourth grade teacher that was really hard on you or a sibling or help friends treated you like little things are still are trauma.

And like if it doesn't process in our brain, It gets stuck. Mm-hmm so I think there has to be some sort of healing work. Do you have to dive right back into the trauma? Not always, no, but I think giving yourself reparenting I think is a word I hear a lot now, like working with your inner child and giving your inner child what they needed, that maybe they didn't.

And I think you kind of hit on that, you know, talking to that, you know, inner critic or those parts of you, and that can be very healing. So I, I think it doesn't have to be this huge therapy process, but I, I think that in order to heal it, you can learn to reparent yourself. And so there is a little bit of opening.

Those experiences, but I think it doesn't have to be this wide open. I have to like open it all up

Zach Arend: Yeah. Why do you think it's because you said something about healing kind of healing the past. Why, why do you believe that's important? Or, or what has your experience told you that says that's so important? So I think that if it.

Reilly Dodd: the best way to ex I, I feel like this, maybe this is an okay way to explain it, but we all have experiences and. I, we could be, have the same experience, but how my body interpreted it and versus you could be totally different. Mm-hmm . And so the, I think what we know now with like how we hold onto trauma, they, if not processed correctly, like, you know, like before my computer wouldn't start, like I needed to restart it.

I think we have to reprocess some of those parts of us to.

Zach Arend: Yeah,

Reilly Dodd: Does that make sense?

Zach Arend: it does make sense. And I wish I knew more like I'm actually like curious and wanna lean in. Cause there's, there's people that I care deeply about that have had trauma in their lives and it, it hurts to see, like they're not broken, they don't need fixed, but there's just things that they're body learned to respond to emotion.

Like. It could be an unrelated event is what I'm learning. And I, cuz as a coach, I'm like, whoa, just change your thoughts, change your story. And it's easy. Like, yeah, that's not easy, but it was so simple. But when you get into trauma and I'm learning that it's much more complex than that, like there's, there's parts like it's more physiological.

Reilly Dodd: Where do you feel it in your body? Yeah. What, like. Tension to that. You're absolutely right. So I think it's more of the, the thought work is so good, but unless you also have to do the feeling work. Yeah. And that's where you open up some of those past events and, and, and there's lots of different ways you can do it, but yes, you are exactly right.

That there has to be the feelings to connect sometimes with the thought.

Zach Arend: And I wanna, I think this is true. I think I, but so we don't experience trauma in our thoughts. Often we probably experience it in our body

Reilly Dodd: It's say second or.

Zach Arend: and it goes, it actually, because it's a fear response, it bypasses our kind of the executive function, our actually conscious thinking and it goes right to like our amygdala.

And so we're, we're doing something before we even consciously are aware we're doing it. Like we're in a self protective behavior before we're even aware of. And so I think there's so much opportunity for people that if, if they're aware of some tr trauma that. Doing that work with somebody like yourself is so freeing, because what happens is I think we in a business setting where we're perfectly safe, but something triggers that same physiological feeling that something very harmful in the past triggered.

So instantly our body and brain attributes it to that. So we, we literally don't, we no longer are ourselves. We, we throw up the armor and we, we act. Incongruent with who we know we are. And we. And I think that leads to so much self-destructive behavior and addiction, and there's so much healing there. I, I just would encourage if you're listening, I've watched it.

And some of my clients that have made the choice to go deeper and, and do the courageous act of facing those emotions and, and processing them. It's the most freeing thing you could do. So that's your arena at Reilly, but I just wanna encourage people towards that because I think there. It's so needed more work like that needs to be done.

I, I would imagine you already, I think you've told me there's not enough people doing what you're doing in the world.

Reilly Dodd: There's not,

Zach Arend: Yeah. There's not. So cuz you're full.

Reilly Dodd: I, I do, yes. I have a private practice in the Kansas city area and then also do some coaching. And right now, I mean, I encourage anyone to still reach out and, you know, see what we can make work, but you're right. It's there are not enough therapist, coaches, healers, I think, to support our society right now. And in some ways, it in it's, in some ways, I think that's a positive to show that people are more comfortable and more okay. With, with going to therapy, which it was. So there was such a stigma, but we still have a lot of work to do.

Zach Arend: Yeah. So just to complete on the trauma, discuss. What should, if people are like, you know what, I do wanna look into that? Mm-hmm what should they be looking for? Is there certain modalities or tools or things they should be looking for in a therapist or someone they work with?

Reilly Dodd: That's a really good question. Cause I think specifically, so there's there's therapists that would sometimes would call themselves a trauma therapist. I'm not, I don't think I would call myself a trauma therapist, but I am one in one moment. One modality that I use is EMDR eye movement desensitation or.

Processing it is. I learned it as a client before in my late twenties. It is just this getting some bilateral stimulation to reprocess situations. Like you said, that are stuck in our body. That when we were 10, we couldn't process correctly. But now what I felt as a client, like therapy in general was great, but for my own experiences from EMDR.

And that's just one, let me give you a couple exam. Other examples for. Was life changing. So now I, I use it a lot with my clients and, and a lot of times, yeah, from trauma, but EMDR, internal family systems, inner child work, any, any, anybody that I would say calls themselves a trauma therapist is using using some of those modalities that is working on healing.

Those parts of you. Very cool. From when we were younger,

Zach Arend: Very cool. Well, I have a few more just quick hit questions to wrap with.

Reilly Dodd: let's go.

Zach Arend: This is a selfish question, cuz I'm a, I'm a voracious reader. I love reading, listening to podcasts. So I always ask my guests to help add some new stuff to my list. What's a book or a podcast that you're really into right now.

Reilly Dodd: Well, I feel like I'm gonna hit a lot of, a lot of, do you work with a lot of women?

Zach Arend: I do actually I do. Yes.

Reilly Dodd: So I love Glen and Doyle and her sister and Abby Womack, her wife it's we can do hard things. I feel like every week it's, they're giving me my own therapy session, but also I I'm sure you get a lot of suggestions that Brene brown, I feel like she even Brene Brown's earlier books, like she's done so much great work, but I think some of the earlier books that she wrote would really relate to what we talked about now with like, what was her very first book?

It. It was life changing for me. So I love Bri brown. Yeah. And sorry, I was gonna give you another one. That was not those two. Cause I feel like those are extremely popular. I think what I like about Glen and Doyles, we can do hard things. Is she, she talk, they talk about so many things that are relatable and it just makes you feel not alone.

So maybe start there.

Zach Arend: Yeah, thanks. No, I, I will. And I'm trying to, I am too trying to think of the first book. Brene Browne.

Reilly Dodd: Gifts. I'm not sure if this was the first one, but gifts of imperfections was I, what I was trying to think of it might, that might not be the first one. Yeah. But that it was written over 10 years ago. And I think that really relates to just being authentic and wholehearted living and not, you know, Learning to work, look, work through people, pleasing and perfectionism.

And it was just, it was very, it was, I, I read it when I needed it. Yes, that's great.

Zach Arend: The book that I loved of hers. Think dare to lead. Does that sound right? Yes.

Reilly Dodd: That.

Zach Arend: That one really spoke to me. And this idea of being vulnerable, which is all her work. I mean, a lot of our work's around vulnerability, but love it. Very cool. Well, I always like to ask my guest, like, what are you building? What are you moving into and moving towards?

Because sometimes it's good to just share that because sometimes it attracts people to you that can help you on your journey. So what are you building?

Reilly Dodd: Great question. So I, one of the reason, okay. So I feel like my. Passion or what I'm called something I'm continuingly called to do is to educate and provide more awareness just around mental health support. And so if therapy is not an option or like we talked about, I think it's, it's sometimes hard to find therapy or you don't have the resources.

I want to continue to create courses and opportunities to at least start if, if people are looking for mental health support and that's kind of why I started Instagram as well. So that is, that is my work in progress while continuing coaching and therapy and, and maybe, I don't know, create a, continuing to create a Remo, a movement that therapy is for every single person on this planet.

And working on your mental health is cool.

Zach Arend: Love it. Very cool. Very cool. Well, how can people follow along? Yeah. How can they find you? Where would you direct them

Reilly Dodd: Well, definitely Instagram. It's just my name, Reilly Dodd. That is a great place to start. I, I feel like I hang out there a lot right now, but also I have a website Reilly, Dodd.com. Mm-hmm that I hope to continue to build and provide more resources and, and support there. Oh, and if you're in Kansas city, the private practice is wholehearted Casey dot.

Zach Arend: Very cool. And I'll, I'll, uh, make sure we get those in the show notes for people, if they wanna click the links and just go there. So yeah. I've loved this conversation, Reilly. So thanks for, thanks for investing the time you did today and being on mission, just because there's no question that you educated and, and drove people towards this movement.

I love it. Like I love it. So thank you. And we'll talk again soon. I'm sure.

Reilly Dodd: Awesome. Thanks.

Zach Arend: Hopefully you really enjoyed this podcast episode. And my hope is you found it really inspirational. And also most importantly, I hope you took away some practical things that you can start to do and apply in your own life. So finally, I have one small favor to ask of you before you go, wherever you get your podcast, whether that's apple music or Spotify.

If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a review. Love to hear your thoughts. Come find us on social media, share it on social media. It just really helps us get the word out, helps us grow our audience. So please do that. Thanks to my team, Ashley Bolden, who handles all the admin and Chris skipper who handles all the music and editing of this podcast for more information on the.

Purpose podcast, you can go to www.createpurpose.net, and you can also follow me on Instagram at Zach dot errand. Please drop me a comment, reach out, drop me a DM. I'd love to hear from you and love to hear what you're taking away from these conversations. What would you like to hear more of? Do you have any guests that you would love to see?

Come on the show. And I'm always looking for great people to talk to people with great stories that can inspire you. And so if you know of anybody send, 'em my way, love to hear from. I'm your host, Zach Arend and I'll see you in the next episode of the Create Purpose Podcast. Bye for now.