EP41 | Be The Player Coach

Uncategorized Oct 06, 2022

The player coach is a valuable member on any sports team - not only because they lead off the field, but they lead on it too! How can you be this in your business? In this episode the Create Purpose Podcast Zach will help you discover where you should lead from by giving you three calls to action that will show you how to be a true player coach.

Find out more about The Fully Expressed Leader Workshop. Visit www.createpurpose.net/workshop to find out more and unlock your potential as a leader!

 Episode resources:

  • Person: Rabindranath Tagore - Poet for quote about stringing and unstringing and instrument. 

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I want you to help your team fall in love with themselves, and in turn, they're gonna fall in love with you. They're gonna follow you, not because you're doing leadership to them, but because you're allowing them to lead. Let your people lead. Let them go out front while you step behind them. And truly coach.

Most people think that leadership means to lead from the front, but the truth is, The best leaders spend most of their time leading from behind. Welcome back or welcome to the Create Purpose Podcast. In today's episode, I wanna break wide open a myth that pertains to leadership because far too often we get it so wrong.

In fact, we get it backwards. Most people think most entrepreneurial leaders, most business owners think that they have to be out front. They have to be the, the pace setter in their business. But the truth is, if you really think about those business owners and those entrepreneurial leaders that have created freedom for themselves and their lives, and have the most impact and influence, they're not leading from the front.

They're, they're leading from behind. And I learned this growing up. Growing up, we had horses at a very young age. I had a Shetland pony, and then eventually we got into four H and I was showing horses into county. But then I got bored with all that and I started doing rodeos and I did team roping and, and in high school I got a, a new horse.

His name was Kapa. Kapa was a team roping horse, high performance horse. He was very skittish, very anxious, and very nervous. You had to know how to handle him or you would have your hands full. He would be handling you. But he was also a very high performing horse, very fast, very strong. We would, I, I joked K Nipa was short for conniption because he, he would just Blauer up if you weren't paying attention, if you didn't know how to handle him.

Horses are so much, they have so much in common with people, and I learned so much working with horses. I now see looking back, how much of those same principles apply with, with leadership in owning a business and managing and developing a team. So let's get into it. This is what I learned being around can npa.

On the weekends we'd go to rodeos. Before we go to the rodeo, we'd have to load up the horse trailer and part of loading up the horse trailer is catching can nipa, which wasn't always easy. That was an art in and of itself. two, I would then lead Kpa to the trailer. I would lead him. But here's what's interesting about if you grew up around horses, you know what I mean?

When you are leading a horse, you're actually not leading them. You're not out front. They are, because Kpa was so sensitive that if I stepped out in front of him, he would stop plant all four feet, 2000 pounds into the ground, immovable, immovable. Here's how, the only way I could lead, quote unquote lead Kapa was I had to let him go first.

I had to hold onto that lead rope. There was slack in the lead rope, and I wasn't walking beside him. I was in a sense, walking about a foot behind him. I was usually walking right at his shoulder and his neck and his head extended out past me. He was in front and he would walk calmly and go exactly where I wanted him to go.

if I stayed just a little bit behind him. That's what I'm talking about. That's your opportunity. And so I want to talk about that because this idea of leadership is so darn confusing. It is such a, it's a dynamic word. It's worth unpacking. And I, maybe I'll do an episode on really unpacking, like what does it really mean to be a great leader?

In fact, I'm just gonna point you to something. Has been said really well, and I don't know if it needs to be said anywhere else. Daniel Goldman wrote an article in the Harvard Business Review a while ago, I don't know, several years ago, but it's now known as a classic. It's called Leadership That Gets Results.

I'd encourage you to go check that out. Just put in Google Leadership that gets results by Daniel Goman. It's in a Harvard Business Review. And he introduces us to six leadership styles. He, he likens it to the clubs and a golf bag. You get to choose them and apply them in different scenarios, and I, I'll give them to you really quick.

They're six. One is is the pace setter, and I think this is where we all kind of fall into, especially as we're starting up a business. . And another one is the visionary casting, a clear vision, showing people where we're going and how we plan to get there. Another one is, he calls it consensus leadership.

That's getting by and getting agreement. There's a time and place for that. And another style leadership is, is, he calls it affiliative or relational. You know, putting the relationship ahead of the result, making sure people know you care for. . Another one is coercion. He says Commanding. Commanding leadership.

There's a time and place for that too. Sometimes the leader just needs to step in and say, This is what we're doing. But he, and then the last one, he says as a coaching style, he said, though, that all of these approaches to leadership develop a, a climate in your business, an environment where people are going to either thrive or their potential is going to be diminished in the long term.

He. There's two leadership styles that actually create diminishing returns. You could probably guess what those are coercion, right? That has a limited shelf life telling people what to do, being the command and control leader. But then the other one he said is pay setting. Being out front, that has a very diminishing return when it comes to leading people and creating an environment where people are motivated and.

and you need to go check out that article. I'm not gonna continue to go deeper in that article cuz you can just read the article. It's, it's not that long. I want you to go check that out. It'll, it'll give you some insights. But what he did say is one of the most underutilized styles is the coaching style within leadership.

And I agree with him. I've gotten the opportunity to sit in rooms with so many leaders and leadership teams and. They don't do this. They think they, they think they get it. They, they, they hear the word coach and they're like, Oh, yeah, I, I get that. Yeah. I always try to be a good coach, but we don't understand what that actually means because we can't let go of leadership being out front.

Right. Implicit in the word leadership means. Well, there's the old saying that if you wanna know, if you're leaders look behind you and see if someone's following you, that's not right. That's incorrect because I want you to be a leader that creates an organization, a business that is succeeding with or without you.

And I think that's what you want too. And there's some key distinctions that I want to share with you now for what it would really mean for you to lead from behind one. We have to throw the word leadership out. We're not gonna use it today. In this episode, I, the word's not going away, but for this episode, we're throwing it out.

We're gonna replace leadership with being the player coach, being the player coach. I think that's the greatest opportunity you have as you're managing and growing your business and your team is to be more of a player coach. Because if you're listening to this podcast, chances are you don't run an organization of 8,000 people.

You probably run a business. 6, 10, 20, 30 people you're probably in, in, in the early years, maybe even in startup motor or starting to scale. Here's the thing, there's no way around it. You must be the player coach, not the player player and not the coach, Coach, player and coach. There's a distinction.

Here's far often I see people throw the, the word around player coach and what they're really being is a player player. They're doing all their roles and responsibilities being the pace setter, but then they're also taking on everybody else's work and, and they don't think that they can do it good enough, so they take it on for themselves.

They fix and they rescue instead of coaching. So they're being the player player. You know, and the realistic, you can't be the coach, coach That would imply that you just kind of get to sit around and, and ask questions and, and, and help people. And that's all you do. I'm willing to bet you're leaving a lot on the table if that's the case.

I'm willing, I don't think that is the case, but we gotta both be the player and the coach. So how do you do that and why is it important? Let's start there. Google did a study and, and the study was focused on what were the key characteristics of their best leaders in, in, in the big organization. They found that the two behaviors, number one was the leader was a good coach, and that's what I want you to learn to be, is to be a good coach.

And number two is they didn't micromanage their. And I, I kinda laugh at that when it's like, well, that would be being a good coach. The, the antithesis to being a coach is to be a micromanager. So those two go hand in hand. So if you can get really good at being more of a coach to your team, it's gonna change the game for you.

It's going to change the game for you. So I want you to be more like a player coach in your business. And so here are three approaches for you to show up more player, coach-like we'll say three things. Number one, you have to know your unique ability. Dan Sullivan coined that term unique ability and it's simply what you love to do.

And you're great at Gayle Hendricks in the book. The Big leap calls it your zone of genius. It's just what? It's your work that is only, that is your work to do. Nobody else can do it better than you. It's, it's what you love to do. You're great at it. And I'll add a third one. It moves the dial in your business.

It's the single most important thing you could possibly be doing in your business is exercising, expressing your zone of genius, playing full out in that area, and letting go as much of what's not that, so that you can play to your strengths and, and that's how you're gonna move the needle in your business.

So number one is you, you need to know your unique ability and then you gotta get committed to. committed to that because far too often we are over obligated, under committed. Because you, because you don't let go of things, you become over obligated and you actually never get to tap into your zone of genius, your unique ability.

You, you don't tap into it cuz you're not committed to taping into it. You're allowing everyone else's inbox and to-dos to consume you to the point where you're over obligated. You're letting, you're, you're, you're focusing more. Pleasing others, then you are being committed to what you're great at and what you love to do.

Because honestly, the more you do that, it's gonna become the, You've heard me say this before. If you've listened, you're gonna become the rising tide that lifts all boats, you and your unique ability exercising your zone of genius. It's the rising tide that lifts all boats. Your business can't afford for you not to be doing that, and so I'm asking you to find out what it is.

And here in a little bit, I'm gonna give you a resource that I think you'll find really helpful. Find out what it is. And then the key distinction here is getting committed to it. Committed to it like you don't have a choice. That is what you need to be spending your time doing. You know it at your core and you're committed to it.

Everything that's not that. You know it and you're working through it, finding a way to let go of it so that you have somebody else in your business taking it on, freeing you up to be that creative, visionary CEO of your business, the captain of the ship. So that's number one. You to be a player coach, you gotta know your unique ability and you gotta get committed to it.

So what is it? What do you think it is? Number two, you need to start to see your people and treat your people as powerful. I get it. You care deeply for your people. Come, you're a compassionate leader. I, I just know that about you. The people that I interact with and, and in, in a way get attracted to, to my, my, my trainings and, and the work I do.

Every single one of them care deeply for their people, and because they care deeply for their people. This one is so hard because the last thing they ever want to do is for their people to feel pressure or even experience some pain. But I know, and I think deep down you do too. Pain and pressure is what creates growth and true transformation.

You can't have one without the other. You just can't. And so by you caring so much for your people, In turn you, you rescue them and you fix things on their behalf, and you kind of rush in. You become their caretaker. How is that helping them really, Because we know that pain, pressure that turns into growth and transformation development, and so if we really want to care, we've gotta get really good at seeing and treating our people as powerful.

What that really looks like is having high expectations for your people and for yourself. For your people and for yourself growing up? Yeah. I was 12 years old and my mom sent me off to work on a ranch and to learn how to team rope, and there came a day where I had to saddle my horse. Well, up until that, and my mom wasn't there up until that point.

My mom always saddled my horse. I had to figure it out. I knew those ranchers. They weren't going to saddle my horse for me. I had to do. But from that point on, long story short, I did it for the first time in my life and I was riding taller in the saddle and, and my mom never had a saddle my horse again.

That's what I'm asking of you. That's what I want you to do for your people. Expect more of them and they will rise to the occasion. That's how you be a player coach. You need to play your game in your unique ability, expressing your zone ogen, and then coaching them by seeing them as powerful. And keeping your expectations high.

And don't mistake being a care taking leader for a caring leader. Care deeply for them, but care so much that you know that they can do it, and you're asking more of them. Okay, And, and, and that's step three. Now we're gonna move into the third approach to being more player coach-like. You have to ask more and tell less.

You have to ask more and tell less in episode 30. The whole episode was on how you can motivate your people. And you know, the truth, truth of the matter is you can't, That's, that's not something you do to your people. You can only create an environment and then show up in a certain way. But at the core of that, and if I'd encouraged you to go listen to that episode again, a lot of people replied to me and said that one was very helpful for them.

It's filled with practical things you can do with your team. So go check out episode 38, but at the core of every one of those points that I made in that episode, at the core of that, Was you are showing up, asking more questions than you were making statements. You were asking more of your team asking, being inquisitive, being curious, enrolling them.

We talked all about all of that in episode 38. And there is a way for you to be more player, coach like through the questions you ask. And to do that, you have to revolutionize how you communicate. You just do because it's not, it's not. It's counterintuitive. Growing up, we were told what to do and how to do it right, Because if we weren't, we would probably make a mess.

You know, as kids, I have three daughters, so I do this to my kids. I'm like, Oh, well, no wonder they're gonna grow up wanting to know what to do next instead of being able to think for themselves. We're not taught that at a young age. We have to teach ourselves that, and as leaders, as player coaches, you get to create an environment where people.

Create the conditions for them to learn how to do that. And so to do that, you have to revolutionize your communication. Stop rescuing them. And to do that, you have to learn to ask empowering questions, But empowering implies that you're giving power to your team. But remember I just said we ought see them as powerful.

So empowering kind of implies that somebody took the power away from them in the first place. So are you a leader by being that pace setter? Sometimes the result of that is we actually are taking power away from. Our team, and then that's where the word empowerment comes from. It's like, Oh, we gotta give it back to them,

So let's create a new word in power. I in power in empowerment, our job as leaders is to keep our people in power. You do that by asking questions, by revolutionizing how you communicate. Because how we normally communicate in a, in a business context almost takes power away and it doesn't keep people in power.

So how do we do? I'm gonna give you one pointer and I, I created an entire workshop on this called the Fully Expressed Leader. We go deep into how you can be more coach-like with your team so that you keep the power with them to truly empower them. But one of the key things that we, we share in that workshop is learning how to ask empowering questions.

Questions that keep the ownership with your team member. Questions that challenge them to think deeper because you have to ask yourself, are you, are you the one working extra hard trying to figure out the answer for them, or are they the one doing all the work trying to find the right solution? That's the key distinction because if you're doing all the work, you're still pacesetting and leading out front that's taking power away from people.

You have to get to a point where they're doing all the tough work, the, the critical thinking, and they're finding the answers, and you're coaching them on toward that by asking thought provoking questions, open ended questions, questions that don't result in a yes or no, but actually result in a, sometimes a long quiet pause of silence because the other person's thinking, and that's where the, the magic is.

And. That's what we, that's what I'm, I teach you to do in, in that workshop. But this is, this is simple. I don't wanna overcomplicate it. Learn to ask more and tell less. And you do that, you're gonna automatically keep more of the power with your people, and that's gonna be an important attribute for you to be a player coach to your team to.

Elevate yourself to your zone of genius and allowing them to do the same by coaching them and asking more of them. So, is this helpful? Is this helpful? Can you see how you might be able to apply this in your business and with your team? Before we go, I wanna give you three marching orders, three call to action that I think will really help you on this journey.

Number one, there's a book that I've read. Twice now. I love it. It's called The Work of Your Life by Steven Cope, the Work of Your Life. The subtitle reads A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling. This is all about finding and recognizing, discovering your unique ability, your zone of genius. He calls it your dharma.

You need to check this book out because it's gonna, I think especially as a business owner, It's very important for you to get in touch with what your unique zone of genius is because sometimes we're the last ones to see it. So sometimes a coach can help you do that. Someone who has eyeballs on you that can help you see and draw you back to your unique greatness.

But sometimes a book like this one can really help you reflect and be like, Oh, I see it. It's been that common thread throughout my whole life. It's this. So now it's just a question of how can you go do more of that and less of everything else. That's how it's, you're gonna ensure that you're in your zone of genius.

So go check out that book. This is a journey. There's no quick, quick exercise that you can just snap your fingers and know. I mean, you can take strength finders and all that. I think all of that contributes to you identifying your, your zone of genius. But I really like to go deeper. That's just who I am.

So go check out that book called The Great Work of Your Life by Steven Cope. Number two, I want you to go out into your business today or tomorrow, depending on what time you're listening to this, and I want you to notice your tendency to rescue your team and fix thanks for them. That's the homework is just a notice when you're doing it and you might catch.

Five minutes after like, Oh, I just did it again. Just note it, Notice it. Notice it more frequently, and you're gonna start to catch yourself before you do it, and you're gonna be able to make a shift to ask them, you know, simple questions like, what do you think? What ideas do you have to solve this? Hey team, how do we want to navigate the next 30 days?

Because it's gonna be really busy. How can we work together? So that the next 30 days go, well ask them. That's, that's the, that's the, that's your assignment. You first have to notice though, and catch yourself and stop yourself. When you feel that urge to rescue and fix, pause, and ask a question and direct it back to your team.

Slow down to speed up. And number three is learn to see yourself as the player coach. Let go of what the world tells you about leadership. I am so tired of the leadership trainings that are out there. You know, the books that teach all the laws of leadership and these principles and what, what the, what you should do, you know and shouldn't do as a leader.

Like I want you to learn to trust your own process to leadership. That is just be the player coach. That's why I like the word player, coach. It's play your game, coach your people, they will see you as the leader and you won't even be doing leadership to them. They're just gonna begin to see you as the leader, because one, you're gonna be living in your zone of genius.

You're gonna be living with courage and going boldly in the direction of your dream, and that's inspiring. And two, you're gonna help them get in touch with their greatness and they're gonna fall in love with you because of that. We, we fall in love with. So if you think about your significant other, I think about my wife.

I fell in love with her because she helped me fall in love with myself. So that's what you get. I want you to help your team fall in love with themselves and in turn, they're gonna fall in love with you. They're gonna follow you, not because you're doing leadership to them, but because you're allowing them to.

You're walking right beside them or maybe a step behind them. Just like I walked kpa and led Kpa to the horse trailer. Right? I had to let him lead because he was powerful. He was, and every time I, I, I ignored that. I had a handful. I had a, I had a scared, nervous, anxious horse on my hands that did not want to do what I wanted them to do, and I had to work even harder to get him to do what I wanted to do.

So let your people. Lead. Let them go out front while you step behind them and truly coach and also go play your game. Your job doesn't need to be taking care of your people. They're powerful. And so we need to remind them of that, ask more of them. And you do that by being the player coach. And that's the stuff we get into and that's why I created the workshop, the fully expressed.

Leader because far too often we diminish who we are as leaders because we're, we're seeking validation, trying to please our team, make sure they're happy. All the while our dream and who we really are goes unexpressed. We don't pursue it because we get distracted by what the world says we should be doing an ought to be doing.

And in my, the last episode, I shared a quote that is still one of my favorite quotes. I'm gonna end on this. Because if you haven't heard it, you need to hear this quote. I read it years ago, and it's what set me on a path towards no longer waiting to truly committing to, to my dream. And the, the quote goes something like this.

I'm just kind of paraphrasing. It's an old, old poem. Again, I can't rem, I can't pronounce the person's name to be honest with you, and that's why I can't remember it. But here's how the quote goes. He says that I, I have spent my life stringing and unstring. My instrument. All the while the song I came to sing has gone unsung.

When I read that for the first time, I'm like, Oh, oh, shit. That's, that's, that's, that's me. That is me. I've spent my life tuning and un tuning, reading books, taking more co courses. Asking more people who I should be ought to be as a leader instead of just being who I was on purpose, unapologetically full expression.

And what I've learned is that's where leadership really comes from. Leadership is not living up to other people's expectations. It's expressing something within you and putting it out into the world. And when you do that, people are attracted to you. That's leadership and. Today we talked about being the player coach, and I think that's a big opportunity for you and your business is to be more of the player coach, start leading from behind a little bit more, and, and go play, Go express your zone of genius more in your business.

So thanks for listening to this episode and we'll see you next week when every Thursday I have a new episode, come out on the Create Purpose Podcast. Thanks for listening. Real quick, I have a question for you. What would it look and feel like for you to lead your team and build your business with more clarity, confidence, and conviction.

That's why I want to invite you to the fully expressed leader. It's a full day workshop, virtual workshop, to learn how to lead. From the inside out. This is for creatives, artists, executives, and right brain business owners who are ready to be the fully expressed leader they were meant to be. My promise to you is that by the end of this full day together, you're going to be able to identify the critical element in your business that you've been ignoring.

You're gonna know the secret to unleash the full potential of your. And start to see responsibility as a gift and not a burden you're gonna make leading from the inside out your new automatic default. What I love most about this day is I get to see the change in those that do the work. They come in exhausted and they leave energized.

Later on when they check back in with me, they tell me that it's like someone turned the lights on. What once felt impossible? Now feels inevitable. To learn more, go to www.createpurpose.net/workshop. This day is not about doing more. It's a way of being a way for you to shift your approach to building your business on your terms.

So go check it out, www.createpurpose.net/workshop.

Hopefully you really enjoyed this podcast episode, and my hope is you found it really inspirational and also most importantly, I hope you took away some practical things that you can start to do and apply in your own life. So finally, I have one small favor to ask of you before you go wherever you get your podcast, whether that's Apple Music or Spotify.

If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a review. Love to hear your thoughts. Come find us on social media, share it on social media. It just really helps us get the word out, helps us grow our audience, so please do that. Thanks to my team, Ashley Bolden, who handles all the admin and Chris Skipper who handles all the music and editing of this podcast for more information on the.

Purpose podcast, you can go to www.createpurpose.net and you can also follow me on Instagram @zach.arend. Please drop me a comment, reach out, drop me a dm. I'd love to hear from you and love to hear what you're taking away from these conversations. What would you like to hear more of? Do you have any guests that you would love to see come on the show?

And I'm always looking for great people to talk to, people with great stories that can inspire you. And so if you know of anybody, send 'em my way. Love to hear from you. I'm your host, Zach Arend, and I'll see you in the next episode of the Create Purpose Podcast Bye for now.

 

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